To Forgive or Not to Forgive – How I Forgave the Man Who Killed My Husband and Three Children

Is there room in my heart to forgive the man who killed my husband and three children in their prime? Does he deserve my love, my sympathy, or even my consideration? Are there some criteria he must meet before I bestow my forgiveness on him? These are the questions I asked…

A few days later, I read in the Lincoln Journal Star daily newspaper of Lincoln, Nebraska, that the young man’s blood alcohol level had exceeded the legal limit. I became furious. This was no longer an accident. It was blatant murder, I reasoned. My decision to forgive was shaken. Drinking and driving; how could he be drinking and driving? I had seen so many warnings on TV about driving under the influence of alcohol. The warning apparently was not heeded. He apparently could have cared less. The dangers of drinking and driving meant nothing to him.

Almost immediately, the Lord stopped me in my track. I realized I dared not but forgive.

However, it was not until two years later that I released him.

It was not because I did not want to forgive him totally, but because I did not even know I had not forgiven. I did know, however, that I did not want to meet him. Although we had been transported in the same ambulance to St. Joseph’s Hospital, I had not turned to see who it was, due to the pain in my back. Besides, I had not yet known the cause of the accident.

For almost two years, I did not want to meet this man for fear of being hurt, and also for fear of reliving the accident. He had already done the damage; I had forgiven him, for so I thought, and that brought the issue to a rest, I thought. But I did not realize that unforgiveness, in the form of apathy, was embedded in my heart.

I was greatly hurt and betrayed when, eight months after the accident, my lawyer gave me some very disturbing news. The police had caught this very young man while driving intoxicated. I felt cheated. The death of my loved ones was not even enough to teach this man that drinking and driving do not belong together.


Effective Forgiveness Course

Have you been hurt? Again and again?

Are you living with the consequences of the injury done to you?

Do you find it difficult to let go the offense?

Do you feel you cannot get over the pain, the hurt, the betrayal and the sadness?
There is hope!
There is an answer!
There is a way out!
Try Forgiveness… it works!

There is no need for you to wallow in pain and restlessness. You can arise and breathe again through the power of effective forgiveness.

As unlikely as it may sound, forgiveness is God’s way of bailing you out of depression from the grief that others have caused you.

Forgiveness releases you from so many discomforts. Forgiveness is its own reward! I found this out when I forgave the drunk young man who killed my husband and my three young children. Forgiveness took away the anger, the unbearable pain towards the drunk driver. Then I could breathe. To forgive is indeed to be free.

In the Effective Forgiveness course, offered by Effective Forgiveness School, you will learn a lot about forgiveness, simple techniques about how to forgive, how to avoid being hurt again and again, the reasons to forgive, and most importantly how to receive the grace of God to forgive and much more.

Learn more!